Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This house was built for laser tag.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
