I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Who died my cat blue again?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
