i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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