Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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