I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
