Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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