She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
