i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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