last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
