I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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