conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
