the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
