I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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