I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
