We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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