May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
