Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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