So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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