It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
