I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
