My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
