Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
