For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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