apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
