I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
