do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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