May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
