he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
