the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
