I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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