no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
