Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
