Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
