I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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