Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
