the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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