What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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