just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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