omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
