I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
