did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
