You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
