I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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