So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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