I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
