Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
third nipple confirmed
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
