I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
