Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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