it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
