i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
