He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
