Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
