hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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