He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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