He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
