I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
