I like to think it a success when the cops are called
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
