Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
