I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
