We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
