I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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