do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
