we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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