You work out of a Hotel?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
