Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What a dumb baby whore.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
