I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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