At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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