The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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