i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
