so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
