sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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