seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
