My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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