Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
