$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
