I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize