tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
