Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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