If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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