So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
