Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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