Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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