I wish I only lived at night.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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