he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
